How We Can Save Money

My friend miss odezz forwarded me an e-mail from someone who is seemingly unhappy and feels that it’s quite impossible to live in the city with a salary of RM3,000. He started off by admitting that  a RM3,000 salary is quiet acceptable and most malaysians don’t even make that kind of money on a monthly basis. He also feels that the DPM suggestion to change lifestyle is a bit inconsiderate considering the luxurious life he and the rest of the cabinet are leading at the moment. Just look at the MPs, they’re still driving around in their BMWs and Mercedes when the rest of the world is suffering from the recent hike in fuel price.  Anyway, after reading the e-mail, I am called to give my two cents worth on this subject matter. Here is what I think, we in the gay community can do to save money.

Save on transportation

Try carpooling. If you happen to work in the same office building, live in the same residential areas or even better, housemates or roommates working in the same office, why not share the same car and everyone can chip in to pay for fuel. You not only save on fuel but in the process you’re actually saving the environment by reducing the number of cars on the road. Try public transport. Kuala Lumpur has the best public transport system in the country, with commuters, LRTs and monorails that goes literally everywhere in the city at a very affordable price. They travel at almost super speed, so you don’t have to be worried of getting late for work. I’m currently staying in Penang and for the past five years I have spent most of my working life on public transports. There’s the old yellow (Milan) and blue (Hock Seng, Hup Seng or whatever) buses, the mini buses from hell are long gone and of course, the super expensive cabs. However, after Rapid Penang (the sister of Rapid KL), was introduced last year, the image of public transportation in Penang was somehow uplifted. I now enjoy public transport even more, not having to worry about fuel price like the rest of my colleague.I don’t have to scratch my head trying to look for parking spaces, especially when you’re living in a small but overly crowded state like Penang.

Save on bills

It’s totally OK to have hand phones (HP), in this age, a hand phone is considered a necessity rather than luxury. That doesn’t mean you have to spend a fortune on a fancy HP or a PDA, a pocket PC, the latest iPhone or whatever new gizmos out there that makes the world such a wonderful place. The main function of a HP is for communication, keep it at that. I once knew someone who has 4 gizmos that can do almost the same function, all strapped to his belt. I also know someone who bought a spanking new pocket PC but uses it as a HP, not knowing exactly how to use all the other functions available till today. When you choose a communication service be it, Maxis or Celcom or Digi or even the all-new U-mobile, choose the one that really suits your need and offer the best rate especially for making calls. If you want to save more money, SMS instead of calling, or if you’re a cheapskate, make missed calls or sms someone to call you. A better way to save money is by using yahoo messenger or skype when you’re online, they’re totally free of charge.

You don’t need to be a gym member to stay fit. Go jogging at your local park, the scene is beautiful, all green and natural, you don’t necessarily have to face that guy with that hot body in front of you all the time, you meet more people and the air smells so much better. Go to the public pool, pay a small amount of money and have a blast swimming as many laps as you want and get that great swimmer body you’ve always dreamed of. Go hiking, it greatly improves your stamina and the best part is it’s totally free of charge. Or stay at home and have sex as frequent as you can, it burns a lot of calories and improves your performance every time you do it.

Save on entertainment

Cable TV like Astro is great because they have so many channels that caters to all sorts of people of all ages. Well, who needs that much channels anyway. They have five different channels for movies alone, two channels for the hip and young that have nothing better to do than ogle on scantily clad people and watch music videos all day long, six different channels for kids, five different channels showing documentaries and the list goes on and on and on. I used to think that life can be so boring without Star World (Channel 711), who can live without sitcoms. When 8TV started airing sitcoms and various other series like Pushing Daisies, they were so advanced that by the time season 3 of Ugly Betty ended on 8TV, Astro have just started with season 2. National TV is way advanced now compared to the age when the only credible private TV station was TV3, kudos to Media Prima for making national TV hip and happening again. So, can we live without Astro, yes we can. Long live Media Prima.

I strongly support pirated DVDs and Cds. These days they’re so cheap (in Penang you can get pirated DVDs as cheap as RM2 at a place in Batu Ferinngi), it’s even cheaper than watching a movie in a cineplex. Why waste money buying a really expensive DVD when you know you’re going to watch it once or twice. You can even save more if you share on DVD purchase. If you happen to be housemates, roommates or mates that spend a lot of time in each other’s house, why not buy different DVDs and watch them together or once you finish watching them, just pass it on or exchange it with your friend. Why waste money on HBO, Cinemax or Star Movies when you have pirated DVDs at such a cheap price. The next time you watch a movie in the living room, switch off all the lights, it feels exactly like being in the cineplex.

Why waste money on original CDs when you can download songs from the internet. It’s pretty wasted when you spend your well-earned money on an artist you hardly know and later find out that the only song worth listening to is the single. These days you can make your own compilations of your favorite songs with cd burning, if you don’t know how to do so, get your friend to do it and if you’re friend is as “BUTA IT” as you are, just buy pirated cds, you can get all sorts of compilations imaginable.

Save on sex

These days you don’t really have to go out to meet people. You have all sorts of online dating service you can choose from. You have guys4men, faceparty, facebook, friendster, manjam, whatever else and for what it’s worth, just join all of them. Most are actually free of charge. You go through the list of men available, send a massage, fix a date, go out, if you like him, head somewhere later and have sex. Don’t go to fancy hotels, they’re a lot of cheap hotels in any city all over the country or if you’re concerned about hygiene or afraid to be caught on  CCTV, try your house or his house, whichever is available.

Limit your visits to the so-called spas or saunas or even massage parlors. You’ll appreciate your visits even more if its done infrequently, you’re chances of getting hit gets even higher if people see you as a fresh face. These places are usually over-priced especially when you’re living in Penang. A simple massage will cost you RM60 not including the extra tips you’ll be giving at the end of that extra service they give you. I still go to these places but only once a month, when I get my monthly pay.

You don’t have to spend money to buy porn DVDs. These days you can download these movies from the internet for free. If you have a taste for live-action, try web cam, jerking off in front so many people all around the world makes me hot all the time. Don’t get me wrong guys, I only do this in times of extreme desperation. Imagine what you can do with yahoo messenger.

Save on lubricants and condoms. Do it “au naturel” if you’re willing to take the risk. The chances of you getting infected with HIV or other STDs gets even lower if you stick with having sex with a single person, which is almost impossible considering GAYs are polygamous by nature. If you have to use one, be a cheapskate and get free samples from the NGOs, they damned rich to begin with so why not grab that opportunity. If you just need to buy one, stick with the normal ones, refrain yourself from getting your hands on all those fancy condoms that comes in various shapes and flavours imaginable. It doesn’t make your sex any better. Who cares if your condom taste like green tree or mocha or cappuccino. Have a cup of tea or coffee after sex, the drink taste even better in your cups than it does on rubber. Why waste money on lubricants when a good foreplay and saliva can open up ass holes just as well. Lubricants these days comes in all sorts of flavors and often overpriced. A bit of imagination and creativity can do wonders, you won’t know how a spoonful of honey or a scoop of ice scream can do during blow jobs. Read Sidney Sheldon, you’ll get a detailed explanation on how to enjoy sex without a bottle of lubricant.

If you have to choose a boyfriend, stay away from losers. The minute they start asking for money, you know they’re in it for the money, it’s not love they’re looking for. I’ve been fooled many times, all my exes are scumbags, but it doesn’t make me any wiser when it comes to choosing a BF. We’ll discuss this in detail in my next post, ” Lust For Looser”. Gays can actually save a lot since most of them remained single, they won’t need to think about children expenses, tuition, diapers, formula milks, pocket money, darling wife’s monthly shopping spree, jeweleries whatever, what not.

Save on cosmetics

Don’t be fooled by commercials. All they ever do is make you feel ugly. Cut down on your subcription of Vogue, Elle, Cosmo or whatever girly magazines you might be reading. Is it worth it spending your well-earned money just to have people tell you how ugly you are. Cosmetics don’t make you beutiful, they cover your pimples, your scar or whatever imperfections you have on your face but slowly, they destroy your skin an in the end you’ll find yourself putting on more and more make-up just to look pretty.

These cosmetics are over-priced anyway, let’s take SK-II as an example, they use “rice water” or rice extract as the main ingredient and just the basic set is priced at RM2000. Imagine spending that much on cosmetics on a monthly basis. You can get the same effect just by washing your face with rice water (the leftover water you get after washing off rice before cooking it) or by using your mother’s “BEDAK SEJUK”. You don’t have to use Vitamin C injections to look beautiful, the best way of getting Vitamin C is from your food. Do you know that vitamin C is water-soluble and all the extra vitamins you get into your body will just get flushed out everytime you pee. The RM500 you pay for your injections will just get flushed down the toilet.

Don’t get me wrong, I can never live without my cleansers, the hot weather makes your skin oily and you need a good cleanser to wash it off. Using normal soap dries your skin and when choosing a cleanser try to avoid the foaming type, they might contain soap that does the same effect. I still use shampoo every time I shower, this will save you a lot of money buying all sorts of anti-dandruff or anti hair fall later, a clean scalp keeps the dandruff away. Do you know that using moisturizers makes your skin even drier? Moisturizers contains a substance that retains moisture from the surrounding air to make your skin appears moist. When the air gets too dry, it sucks the moisture from your skin and in the end does more harm to your skin. Don’t get fooled by all these commercials about UV protection and the need to keep yourself fair at all times. The skin gets darker because of a substance called melanin which protects your skin from skin cancer. You only need UV protection when you go sunbathing, which is something we don’t do on this part of the world. Skin cancer is not that common in this country and is rarely caused by prolonged exposure to the sun.

Save on food

This is probably the easiest part for a gay. Gays don’t eat that much anyway. They’re too afraid to get fat that most of the times they eat one meal for the whole day. No matter how much these poeple in KFC or McD tries to convince you on how wholesome and nutritious their food are, they’re just bluffing. The asian community have been living healthily with a meal consisting of rice and a few dishes for ages before these people come into the picture and cause a sudden increase in cases of cardiovascular disease. Stop smoking, they’re not only expensive, they kill you in the long run. Skip all those unnecessary morning and afternoon tea breaks, you don’t really need them. Instead of drinking glasses of teh tarik or kopi o, drink a lot of plain water, they’re not only cheap, they’re good for your health. If you happen to have a beutiful garden outside your house, why not try growing vegetables, herbs or fruits rather than rows of roses or orchids.

Would You Wear These Underwears?

Underwear Shopping

On my way back from work today, I swung by the hippest and probably most happening shopping mall in Penang, Queenbay Mall. I spent some time in Borders, bought some books and almost went down the escalator when my eyes caught sight of a pair of red, flashing undies from the display window of the Undershop. For those of you still unaware of what the Undershop is, this is a store that specialises in underwear, more specifically male underwears. Without a moments hesitation, I was inside. On my back, I somehow felt guilty, started rationalizing my recent purchases, thus came the idea for this new post.

How often do you go underwear shopping?

What motivates you to do underwear shopping? It is really the need. Some people, especially straight guys only go undies shopping when told by their mother or wife. They are happy to wear the same pieces of underwear for years, as long as the pieces of threads still hold them together. That’s why when they go undies shopping, they buy them in bundles, especially at discount stores. You’ll see them buying boxes of underwear, usually of the same brand, the same type but in different colors. This will save them the embarrassment for years to come.

Gay guys however, tend to buy underwear more often. It is part of their monthly shopping ritual. A new pair of underwear comes together with new shirts, new trousers, new socks and occasionally new shoes. They are are compelled  to do so since all these items can usually be found in the same store, ushered around by the same cute salesman who convinces them that all these are really necessary in order to look fabulous all the time. They are driven by the fact that they need to look fresh all the time, they refused to be caught dead in the locker room of a gym, a spa or a massage parlor, wearing the same pair of undies all year long. To them, it is a total embarrassment. Wearing new pairs of undies makes them sexier, hotter and more confident just like what tampons do for women during their monthly menses. Realizing this fact, most fashion labels and underwear manufacturers now sells a single piece of underwear for that monthly purchase, just to keep them coming the next month.

Guys with underwear fetish buy underwear even more frequently. Their strong urge to keep buying undies to satisfy this sexual rather than physical needs makes them more vulnerable to underwear shopping. They cannot stay away from underwear counters every time they pass by the clothing department. They cannot stand looking at all those sexy underwear models posing at the back of the boxes. They buy underwear out of compulsion, they just cannot resist the temptation.

The fashion conscious crowd buy underwear to keep up with fashion trends. Some just want to wear what their favorite celebrities are wearing. They keep track of all the ad campaigns featured in magazines or over the net. The latest Armani underwear campaign featured David Becham as their model (please refer to my earlier post entitled “an ode to becham”), as a result their sales of underwear increased significantly. It must have something to do with Becham’s bulge. Who in the world can resist that?

How do you choose your type of underwear?

These days they are just too many types of underwear to choose from. There’s the classic briefs and the Y-front for the more conservative. The overly sexy and kinky would prefer thongs especially when they have a hot date planned for the night. Boxers used to be aliens on this part of the world. The Asian community was first introduced to the underwear in the form of briefs. The classic Y-front was made famous by labels like Crocodile and Byford.

Boxers made their way much later but was first met with skepticism. The younger generation embraced this new idea and prefers to wear boxers rather than briefs. They even replaced the classic pajamas or sarongs when they go to bed. It’s more sexy and personally, I think it better suits the hot climate of this country. Boxer shorts have their own problems, especially for those with huge dicks, they were designed to be loose, pretty much like a short, leaving your dick dangling all over inside your trousers, which is rather uncomfortable when you’re at work and at times embarrassing. However, these types of boxers comes with a nifty safety mechanism, the buttons in the front, which makes it easier for you to pee or when you have an irresistible urge to masturbate. For that, the boxer briefs were designed, catered for the very active and personally, to me, more suited for work. They are tighter, form-fitting and gives better support for your dick, giving them a more secure position at all times.

The classic brief brought almost to extinction (with the introduction of the hip and sexy boxers), later underwent various forms of reincarnation, making them appealing once more to the gay community. If the classic Y-front was too dorky, the gay designers reduced the size and came up with mini-briefs, a smaller version minus the Y-front to give the dick more focus. They made the cutting sleeker, thus, the sporty or tanga briefs were born. The thong was originally made for female strippers and hookers. The gay community later decided they wanted to have the same fun as their female counterparts, thus, the male thongs came to existence, tailored for the bold and kinky.

I bought a box of thongs once. There were three pairs in the box, gold, red and black, the materials were made in such a way that they sparkled in the lights. It was one of the worst mistake I ever made. The small cup can barely support my medium size dick and the single piece of string in the back gets stuck to your ass hole all the time. It is definitely not made for work. It is most definitely not made for chubs (no offense), the thong is particularly made to look sexy and therefore best reserved for sexy, lean bodies. The medium built and chubs should stay as far away from thongs, they are not only uncomfortable, they make you look “funny”. I bought these during my student days, back then, I did my own laundries. The worst part came when I had to bear the shame of explaining to my mother what a thong is when she did my laundry. Therefore, I personally think that a thong should be reserved for male strippers and male strippers only.  They were designed for them in the first place.

The designers later looked at swim wears for inspiration. The boxers I bought yesterday was designed by renoma and it was called a trunk (as in swimming trunks). It looks very much like a boxer brief, very tight, form- fitting, with very small holes for your legs, broad striking waistbands (it was striking green in colour) and had a huge green logo on one side. It was made from cotton. The ones I bought a few months back was made from a synthetic material very much like the ones swimming trunks are made of. I even tried swimming in these boxers, nobody noticed they were actually boxers and not swimming trunks.

Underwear also comes in multitude of designs and colors, and these days all sorts of materials from the conventional cotton to synthetics are used to make them. Yesterday, while I was browsing through all sorts of undies to choose from, one particular item got my attention. The label skinwearxs produced a new line of underwear called profiles, the unique feature being the “profile enhancer”. The boxers come with a special pouch placed at the front, allowing your dick to sit snuggly inside with the overall effect of enhancing the outline of your dick, including the length. So, when you get a hard on while in your boxers, it’s not necessary to remove them for your partner to appreciate the whole length of it, the boxer will do the job for you. Isn’t that neat. The days when boxers comes only in white are long gone. They come in various striking colors, not just one but a few on a single pair and some come with naughty wordings to make life more exciting. You are more likely to get hit at the gym or spa if you have words like ” I’m so horny” or ” I’m so very naughty” plastered across your butt.

How much are you willing to spend for underwear shopping?

My total purchase yesterday was RM 70. I bought a box of boxers (2 pieces) for RM30, a box  of briefs (3 pieces) for another RM30 and 3 pairs of socks for RM 10. Are you willing to spend your well-earned money on a piece of briefs from Armani or Calvin Klein? Or are you the type that goes to discount stores and buy undies in bundles for the cheapest price you can get? If you happen to meet a seemingly straight guy in the locker room in the gym (or anywhere else that allows you to get a peek at a guy’s undies), wearing a pair of fancy undies, don’t make the mistake of calling him gay. Straight guys these days are following our leads, they don’t want to be left behind in the fashion scene. Even they go for designer labels as nowadays good brands like renoma, offers fancy undies at a very affordable price.

The X-Files: The Malaysian Files

The new X-Files movie was recently released in this country and I was among the fortunate individuals to claim themselves as the first few persons to catch the movie on its first day of official release. Inspired by this movie (but largely by the original series), I would like to call upon everyone’s attention to a series of very high profile crimes committed in this country but until today remained unsolved despite the police force’s reputation as one of the best in this region. It is in my opinion that by now, we might as well classify these cases as X-files and request the help from the FBI to enlist Mulder and Scully’s help to shed some light to these very mysterious cases.

Case #1: The Beauty Queen

A previously unknown Mongolian beauty queen made her last trip to Malaysia, apparently on a mission to blackmail a relatively unknown political analyst but ended up being blown to pieces in the middle of nowhere. The ashes of the beauty queen was later found in the middle of the jungle under mysterious circumstances. Further investigations revealed that the death of this beauty queen is linked to high-ranking police officers belonging to a special branch of the police force. Investigations is currently marked with unanswered riddles and recently, a key witness is found missing after changing his sworn statements. The mysterious part about his disappearence is that the government is fully aware about his whereabouts and even offering him safe custody despite the possibility of him getting charged with obstructing justice. The case gets more interesting when this woman’s death is linked with a very high ranking minister who is rumoured to have an intimate relationship with her, even to the point of farthering her child. The beauty queen is said to be a gift from the Russian government, after he sealed a billion dollar deal involving the purchase of very expensive equipments for the army, among them a submarine, which never made it to malaysian water.

Mulder would say:

There are a few possibilities that may explain the mysterious circumstances of this case which includes:

• The beauty queen was not blown up but in fact she simply disintegrated due to a mysterious occurrence known as spontaneous combustion. It is possible that she may have had HOT SEX with the police officers accompanying her and at the height of her orgasm, she simply burst in flame and turned into ashes. Since the police officers were too afraid that their sanity might be questioned, they prefer to keep quiet and hope that the loose evidences surrounding this case will prove their innocence. This case will simply be labeled as X-Files.
• The beauty queen is actually the victim of a satanic cult that offers her as a sacrifice by burning her alive after having gang sex with her. The police officers are devout members of this cult that wishes to keep the secrets of this group to the grave.
• The Russian have finally managed to clone the alien they confiscated and merged it with human DNA to produce the ultimate super spy, a hot beauty queen. To make the existence of this being more discrete she was sent to a remote country i.e. Mongolia and left in the care of Russian spies disguised as her parents. Under mysterious circumstances she became acquainted with high ranking ministers and government officials and from there slowly gathered vital information especially regarding the strength of the army. When the special branch of the police force managed to discover this secret, the spy was caught during her visit to this country and blown up to pieces to prevent her from relaying anymore classified information about this country.

Scully would say:

This is another murder case involving a very unfortunate foreigner. It is totally out of FBI’s jurisdiction and is definitely not an X-File unless of course, Miss Condoleezza Rice has anything to say about it. Let’s just go home. We’re wasting our time here.

The police said:

This case is still under investigation. No comment.

Raja Petra said:

Blame everything on Najib. His wife Rosmah ordered the killing. Trust me, I’m willing to go to jail for that.

Case #2: The Poor Little Girls

Two innocent little girls became victims to a possible murder-rape case involving a single or several paedophiles still running loose today. The first child was found dead a few months later and further investigations revealed that she was brutally raped and later murdered and stuffed into a gym bag and left in front of an office building. The second child remains missing until today. The wierd thing about these cases are despite extensive searches done by the police and even after enlisting the help of foreign forensics expert these cases remain unsolved. Many bomohs, pawangs and even psycics have offered their assistance but to no avail.

Mulder would say:

• These kids may have been abducted by aliens. These aliens are now disguised as human beings and in order to blend in, they now operate in crowded areas and use vans instead of space ships during abduction to make it less obvious. The victims are later kept in a secret lab for whatever tests that aliens do to human beings and when they’re done, they are murdered to keep their secrets hidden. Since their technologies are far too advanced, the police have failed to locate their secret hideouts.
• These kids are killed by a mutant or a creature that keeps them in underground lairs. The reason why the police never found them is because they are too lazy to search in the sewers. The are no more such cases now since the creature is hibernating and will emerge again after a few years from now to kill again.
• These kids are victims of a freak group of scientist that uses children for experimental purposes. They are making it look like a murder-rape case to conceal their true intention. They probably have something to do with stem cell research since growing children are rich with stem cells.

Scully would say:

Let’s catch this jerk. I hate paedophiles.

I say:

Everything I say above are just bullshits. The person that did these cruel things to these innocent children will get God’s punishment. His face will be revealed one day. Trust God, justice will be served.

THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE

The X-Files: I Want To Believe

I want to believe that after ten years from the first movie, the creator of the phenomenal X-file series would somehow redeem themselves by giving us a movie worth the cult status that the series have garnered in its heyday. The first movie was kind of a let-down to me when it was first released. To be frank, I was an ardent fan of the series and in the age when dvd was an “alien”, I eagerly waited for the series to air on national TV. Those were the days. The first movie had a very complicated plot and it was played down by its heavy reference to government conspiracies. To tell you the truth, I can’t recall what the movie was about anyway. It was somewhat forgettable.

I want to believe that after ten years, in the age when CGI makes the impossible possible on big screen, the creators of this movie would go the extra mile to produce a movie that glorifies the paranormal like the original series had. This movie is about a group of Russian scientist that discovers the secret of immortality by attaching a severed head to new, healthy bodies through stem-cell therapy. This time around the director chose to not only keep both his feet on the ground but chose not to look up in the skies like he used to. There is nothing “alien” about this movie and the only reference it had to anything paranormal is a psycic who weeps tears of blood and happens to be gay.

I’m still not sure about the director’s intention in making GAY a big theme in this movie. Heck, i even had the impression that he is somewhat HOMOPHOBIC. All the bad guys in this movie are gay. The priest used to be gay, he committed the biggest sin of fucking 37 altar boys. As a result, he spends all his life in an ugly apartment with other ’sexual-offenders’, his roommate looks gay to me. He even chopped of his dick as a sign of repentance for all his mortal sins. As it turns out, most of the boys he fucked grew up to be GAY, one of them became a GAY crook, fell in love with a Russian GAY crook (he is kind of cute except for those ugly teeth), got really sick with lung cancer, almost died before his BF chopped off his head and got a Russian scientist to connect it to other people’s body and in the end died anyway. It also happens that all the victims he chose are women. He was probably planning to get a sex change surgery when he was alive. The priest prayed all his life for forgiveness and in the end died of lung cancer. Are they trying to imply that being GAY will increase your risk of getting lung cancer?

I want to believe that after six years, Mulder (David Duchovny) is still the handsome geek that he was and Mulder and Scully is still the perfect geek couple on TV. Well, Scully is still a pretty red-head but now, more matured but looked too strained and stressed out most of the times. She frowns a lot throughout the movie which makes her age lines more obvious that even make-up could’t conceal it. Mulder on the other hand, did not handle aging as well as Scully. First half of the movie, he wears a thick beard and unkempt hair, second half, he decided to shave but without the beard, his sagging jaw lines showed out, just showing how old he got from all those years out of FBI service. They are not very convincing as a couple, even Mulder admits that their relationship would never have worked out. After six years apart, they have somehow become very distant and their pairing now felt forced, it must have been difficult for both of them to get into characters after all these years. It makes it worse, that in this movie, both of them spent most of their time away form one another. Scully now, retired from FBI, spents most of her time in a hospital, she is now an established pediatrician taking care of a cute but very sick child with an incurable disease. Mulder goes on a wild goose chase with a bunch of FBI agents that takes its leads from a psycic who was previously a paedophile priest. X-files is “Mulder and Scully”, it can never work with Mulder or Scully alone or Mulder with someone else (in this movie, the director tried to pair Mulder with a new female agent which finds Mulder hot) which explains why the last season of the series failed. The whole idea of the X-files is the opposite attraction between a beleiver and a skeptic trying to solve a seemingly impossible case. The skeptic voice of Scully was kept quiet in this movie since she was too busy trying to cure an incurable disease.

I want to believe that this is the last big-screen adaptation of this popular series. Scully clearly states in the movie that she wants nothing to do with the X-files anymore. She wants Mulder to do so as well. Mulder seems pretty lame in this movie, he is ridiculed all the time, he is no longer convinced of the paranormal like he used to. It is as though, Chris Carter (the director and creator of the original series) is trying to tell us that he has finally had enough of the X-files and this is finally the end.

I want to believe this is the end.

Evangelion 1.01: You Are Not Alone

Words can merely describe the excitement I get, when it was first announced that the anime series neon genesis evangelion would be made into a feature length movie. This ambitious project (by the original anime studio that released the series back in 1995, Studio Gainax and helmed by the visionary director, Hideaki Anno) is called Rebuild Of Evangelion, a tetralogy of films, beginning with the movie, ” Evengelion 1.0: You Are Not Alone”. This project remakes and compiles all 26 episodes from the original anime series and releases it as a 4-parter. The first movie covers the first 6 episodes of the movie right before the introduction of EVA-O2 and its pilot Asuka Langley.

The movie finally reached this part of the world early this year when it was screened in Singapore. It took another 6 months before announcements were made that this movie will be screened in this country. Unfortunately though, this movie will only be screened for a very limited time and suprisingly by a single location in this country i.e. Cathay Cineplex Damansara for the whole month of July. As I was making plans to travel all the way to KL to catch a glimpse of this long-awaited movie, getting more and more frustrated along the way as my busy schedule and bouts of flu keep getting in the way, I was lucky one day, to chance upon a DVD copy of this movie in one of the DVD stores I use to frequent.

After making almost daily visits to DVD stores all over penang and KL (when I had the chance) for almost 6 months (returning everytime frustrated and almost loosing hope of ever watching this movie), I was elated (to the point of ecstasy) to come across this dvd all of a sudden. I caught me off balance that I could’t resist buying another dvd just as a show of appreciation to the store for finally having the dvd in their store. I was so excited that as soon as I reached home, I slipped the dvd into the player and started watching till the end of the movie. Only one word can describe this movie: PERFECT.

The movie kept to its original storyline, from the arrival of the main protagonist, the tormented and neurotic Shinji Ikari to NERV headquarters, his first experience piloting the humanoid fighting machine Evangelion or better known as Eva and ends with his epic battle with the shape-shifting, 6th. Angel with the support of Eva-OO and its pilot Ayanami Rei. Well ,that sums up the movie in a very simplistic manner. This movie however, is far from being just simple.

Through the genius mind of the director Hideaki Anno, the remake of this movie is a masterpiece of its own. It doesn’t take a fan of the original series to understand and enjoy the movie. The seamless art direction takes this movie to a different level, advances in animation technology enables him to recreate the fight sequences into something incredible and fantastic. The monstrous angels looks even more splendid especially the shape-shifting 6th angel. Even the agility of the humanoid Eva is better demonstrated this time, the movement almost fluid, its like watching a beatifully choreographed dance even when the eva goes berserk.

Given the time constraint, the emotion felt from this movie is suprisingly vivid. The plight of the neurotic Shinji Ikari was perfectly fleshed out in this movie. His reluctance of piloting Eva, having to fight countless alien, gigantic creatures and almost losing his mind after each fight is just too much for a simple 13 year old seemingly normal boy without any special abilities except the special bond he shares with the eva (without him really knowing it). This movie also teaches us that in such bleak, desperate times, its not worth running away. All we need to do is take our stand and fight our way through the most difficult times.

At the end of the movie we finally understand the movie’s theme: You Are Not Alone. When he puts on his suit and pilot the Eva, he is not alone. He holds the fate of all humanity in his hands. He even has the support of so many people including his class mates, his superior Major Misato Katsuragi, his fellow pilot, the mysterious blue-haired, ayanami rei and even his estranged farther, Gendo Ikari eventhough he never shows it directly. In the words of Major Katsuragi, ” Shinji, you are not alone”.

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Idiot’s Guide to Gay Sex

I am proud to announce that I am currently in the process of compiling various materials in an attempt to produce the definitive guide to gay sex. This book is tentatively known as the ” Idiot’s Guide to Gay Sex” and if i’m lucky enough, I might get it published under the best-selling Idiot’s Guide series. I will be working closely with various individuals with vast experiences and knowledge on the subject matter including my notorious friend, Prof Jimmy aka Aleya Natasya aka Mrs. Dee Dee.

It is our aspiration that through this book we will be able to demonstrate (in a very graphic manner) the importance of good sex in order to maintain a healthy and happy gay relationship. Let me give you a private tour on the first few chapters of this book……………….ENJOY.

Chapter 3: The Art of Foreplay

Introduction

Foreplay is usually regarded as the warm up session before the actual action takes place. Sometimes in a rush to achieve orgasm i.e. via fucking, this very important step is often neglected. Many fail to acknowledge that a man does not have just a single G-Spot but various spots scattered throughout the body. It is up to you to find them, ignite them and when all his sexual senses achieve maximum perception, you are on your way to experience the best sex of your lifetime. Foreplay is also an act of bonding, you are trying to tell your couple that you are not just interested in his dick or ass hole, but you appreciate his body as a whole. If you are creative enough, your couple may even achieve orgasm even without getting any fucking done. Well, enough said, I hope by now i have somehow convinced you about the importance of foreplay in a sexual intercourse. Let’s get started.

I usually approach foreplay from top to bottom. The most important step to remember is always keep off his dick until the very last minute when you’re ready to get fucked. For a topper, going for his ass hole too early during foreplay may get him the wrong impression that you’re rushing off to fuck someone else. Without proper stimulation the ass hole may not be very receptive and you’ll just end up frustrated when it fails to open completely. Take your time to enjoy your couple’s body and you will be rewarded in a very satisfying way. Actually, there is no fast rules on how to start foreplay, creativity, passion and lust for your partner’s body will guide you along the way. Another important aspect of foreplay is switching roles. You have to take turns with your couple to take the lead. Believe me when i say, that taking the lead makes you feel stronger and powerful, and that makes any man hot and sexy. When he’s in charge, play along, don’t just lie there like a dummy, a positive reaction enhances your partner’s mood thus encourage him to push further and go all the way.

In order to have a better understanding on the steps that i will illustrate below, kindly refer to the very sexy diagram I’ve included in my previous post, “Find His G Spot”. Let’s get started.

The Head

You can start by stroking your partner’s head in a very gentle way. Running your fingers through his hair helps him relax and gets him in the mood. If your couple has very short hair, run your fingers over his scalp, that will definitely turns him on. The areas behind his ear is a very sensitive spot, gentle nudging with your nose and sofly kissing with your lips usually works. Some will proceed with gently nibbling (definitely not biting) the ears and some gobble everything up. It all depends on how horny you are during that time. Personally i’m not a big fan of getting saliva all over my ears especially into the ear holes. When you’re all horny and ready for action, you’re breath starts getting heavy and hot, get very close to your couple and breath down his neck, that usually gets him in the mood. Start caressing his neck gently with your nose and lips and work all the way down to the nape of his neck. Start kissing and sucking this area but before even thinking of making a lovebite, get your partner’s permission before you do so. A lovebite on the neck can be very difficult to hide and getting rid of it takes time. Not everyone likes having their sex life out in the open. From there, work your way down the cheek, kissing and softly biting along the way before you get to the lips and start kissing.

Kissing

Kissing is a very important part of foreplay. When you’re having sex with a straight guy, you may find it a tad disappointing since they usually avoid kissing you on the lips. They may enjoy having their dick sucked or ramming their dick into your ass holes but they still cannot grasp the idea of kissing another guy on the lips. So, why is kissing such a big deal? Kissing is the first part of exchanging bodily fluids in a sexual intercourse. Kissing is a very romantic gesture and its takes a certain amount of passion to start kissing someone on the lips. Kissing is even more intimate than touching and groping, since in order to make it work, it requires consent from both parties. So, how to be a good kisser?

You start kissing by gently touching your lips to your partner’s and slowly increases the pressure until he opens his mouth. Once you’re in, use you’re tongue to explore the inside of the mouth, you’re tongue is very sensitive, try to appreciate the moist and hot inside of his mouth. This part gets even more playful if you have a piece of sweet handy. Try to catch hold of his tongue with your lips and start sucking on his tongue and gently increases the pressure and release it when he starts getting out of breath. Careful not to overdo it and at all times try not to bite his tongue. Forget about ever kissing him again if you do so. Be creative and alternate between superficial kissing and deep french kiss. Monotony just kills the mood. Kissing a very big part of foreplay, so take your time doing it.

To be continued…………………………………..

Hellboy II: The Golden Army

After two years from the first Hellboy movie, Hellboy II was finally released to rave reviews by both critics and fans alike. Fresh from his success from the Academy-nominated Pan’s Labyrinth, the super talented director Guillermo del Toro embarks on another fantastical journey into the world of fairies armed with a very big budget and support from Universal Studios. When it was released in malaysia recently, the super sensitive people of the censorship board have decided to keep the title intact without having it changed to Super Sapiens II: The Golden Army. They were probably hoping that the golden army would steer away people’s attention from the word hell in hellboy or simply because having the words hell and gold in the same sentence makes everything more acceptable. Well enough said, here’s what I think about the latest summer blockbuster, Helloy II: The Golden Army.

Throughout the movie, I could’t help but notice the many similarities this movie have with a few movies released over the past few years. It felt almost like a deja-vu or is it just lack of sleep (i was fresh from a night shift the day before) or is it simply, the director’s intention to pay his homage to the many fantasy movies that have somehow inspired him one way or the other? God knows.

Warning: spoilers ahead, for those of you who haven’t had the privilege to catch this movie, please refrain yourselves from reading this review any further.

Men in Black

• The scene where a BPRD agent (dressed in black and white), walked down the corridors of the BPRD HQ with Abe Sapien and in the background, more BPRD agents (more people dressed in black and white) wrestled with a giant squid and other furry creatures of the paranormal world.
• The scene where all the BPRD agents got eaten up by tooth-fairies and only the main members of the BPRD i.e. Hellboy & friends are safe. The rest of the team i.e. normal human beings without any apparent supernatural abilities got eaten up no matter how good they are at shooting the little critters.

Hero (and other gongfu movies released after Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon)

• The scene where Prince Nuada was practising some gongfu moves using a long spear, with water dropping from above looks very similair to the opening fight scene in the movie Hero right down to the close-up, slow-mo scene of the spear cutting a drop of water in half.
• The scene where Prince Nuada fights a group of palace guards, sliding and gliding here and there with moves that looks like dancing rather than fighting looks very much at home with recently released gongfu movies.

Star wars

• The troll market reminds me a lot of the marketplace on planet Tattooine, with all sort of ugly creatures  just acting ugly in the very busy lanes of the market.

Lara Croft: The Tomb Raider

• The ghost city of Bathmoora complete with its golden hall with all those spinning whatevers while Hellboy’s ass got kicked around by Prince Nuada reminds me of the spinning globes in the first Lara Croft movie.

Carrie

• Carrie burns up when she gets angry and so does Liz Sherman. Liz Sherman is no way like the Flame from Fantastic Four since he only burns up when he’s horny.

Princess Mononoke

• The forest god in this movie reminds me of the forest god in the movie princess mononoke by hayao miyazaki. After getting its head severed by greedy hunters, the forest god in the form of a magnificient stag transforms to a huge green monster like the one in this movie.

Well, don’t get me wrong, I actually enjoyed this movie very, very much that I consider watching it for the second time sometimes next week. The visual effects are simply stunning, the creatures out of this world (my favorite being the angel of death), the storyline engaging, liz sherman having hellboy’s baby, abe sapien in love with a telepathic elf princess, a handsome kick-ass elf prince that can kick legolas’s ass anytime of the day and the end of BPRD itself when all the key members including the latest addition to the motley crew, johann kraus quits the team for good.

Will there be Hellboy III? I sure think so.

Bureau for Paranormal Research and Defense (BPRD): part 2

Toyol

Toyol is produced by resurrecting a newborn baby from the dead. It looks very much like a human baby but with supernatural abilities. This creature is usually used as a paranormal robber, having the ability to make itself invisible to the naked eye. Due to its stealth modus operandi, toyol can be used to steal confidential documents kept by opponents e.g. a private diary filled with dirty secrets or sex scandals or even better, getting rid of evidences on a certain crime committed in police custody. The best part is the act can never be recorded by the most advance CCTV and a toyol does not leave any finger prints behind.

Hantu Raya or Saka

Hantu Raya or Saka are usually kept by men of the olden days as the family guardian, not to protect the family but rather to keep an eye on a certain treasured heirloom. This creature will be passed from generation to generation, usually inherited by the first born child. This creature will protect the said heirloom with whatever means necessary including inflicting illness and injury to whomever that tries to steal the item entrusted in its keep. They are the best guarantee when it comes to protecting any confidential documents. They can also act as body doubles to their masters either for safety purposes or simply to replace them either in their office or even their homes when they’re out having fun somewhere else.

Minyak senyoyong, minyak dagu or minyak pengasih

The word minyak here literally means oil, not just any ordinary oil like cooking oil or medicated oil but a paranormal oil, produced by burning off the fat from the corpse of a murdered person. Eerie as it may sound, a drop of this oil on a person’s body will make sure that that person will follow every single word you say no matter how wrong it may be. Imagine what it can do during an election campaign, everyone touched by this oil will give their 100% devotion and loyalty to you. A straight guy may even admit that he had been sodomized by an opposition leader. A key witness may even retract his statement after making it under oath in a court of law. An opposition leader may even join the government without even realizing what he’s doing. Imagine all the possibilities you can gain just with a single drop of this precious oil.

These are just some of the many fields that the BPRD can benefit the government in solving its many political dilemmas. Rather than approaching these individuals alone, efforts should be made to group them together to allow better accessibility to all members of the parliament. I’m sure they would be more than willing to extend their services to all the VIPs considering how much their business have suffered due to the recent price hike. The public are now becoming more conscius about their expenditure. They prefer to spend their money on something more solid and benificial like petrols for their cars.

There are still many territories in the field of paranormal that is left unexplained and unexplored due to its complex and out of this world nature. Most are terrified by the repercussions of their act on their future as dealing with the paranormal comes with a very high price to pay, a price that goes beyond simple currency, a price that may even cost their own lives. For a muslim, dealing with the wrong side of the paranormal world is deemed as blasphemy, “syirik” an act that defies God himself. in other words, to gain something in this borrowed life you sacrifice the one and only ticket to eternity in heaven. Is it really worth it?

The choice is in your hands. Use it wisely.