Bureau for Paranormal Research and Defense (BPRD): part 2

Toyol

Toyol is produced by resurrecting a newborn baby from the dead. It looks very much like a human baby but with supernatural abilities. This creature is usually used as a paranormal robber, having the ability to make itself invisible to the naked eye. Due to its stealth modus operandi, toyol can be used to steal confidential documents kept by opponents e.g. a private diary filled with dirty secrets or sex scandals or even better, getting rid of evidences on a certain crime committed in police custody. The best part is the act can never be recorded by the most advance CCTV and a toyol does not leave any finger prints behind.

Hantu Raya or Saka

Hantu Raya or Saka are usually kept by men of the olden days as the family guardian, not to protect the family but rather to keep an eye on a certain treasured heirloom. This creature will be passed from generation to generation, usually inherited by the first born child. This creature will protect the said heirloom with whatever means necessary including inflicting illness and injury to whomever that tries to steal the item entrusted in its keep. They are the best guarantee when it comes to protecting any confidential documents. They can also act as body doubles to their masters either for safety purposes or simply to replace them either in their office or even their homes when they’re out having fun somewhere else.

Minyak senyoyong, minyak dagu or minyak pengasih

The word minyak here literally means oil, not just any ordinary oil like cooking oil or medicated oil but a paranormal oil, produced by burning off the fat from the corpse of a murdered person. Eerie as it may sound, a drop of this oil on a person’s body will make sure that that person will follow every single word you say no matter how wrong it may be. Imagine what it can do during an election campaign, everyone touched by this oil will give their 100% devotion and loyalty to you. A straight guy may even admit that he had been sodomized by an opposition leader. A key witness may even retract his statement after making it under oath in a court of law. An opposition leader may even join the government without even realizing what he’s doing. Imagine all the possibilities you can gain just with a single drop of this precious oil.

These are just some of the many fields that the BPRD can benefit the government in solving its many political dilemmas. Rather than approaching these individuals alone, efforts should be made to group them together to allow better accessibility to all members of the parliament. I’m sure they would be more than willing to extend their services to all the VIPs considering how much their business have suffered due to the recent price hike. The public are now becoming more conscius about their expenditure. They prefer to spend their money on something more solid and benificial like petrols for their cars.

There are still many territories in the field of paranormal that is left unexplained and unexplored due to its complex and out of this world nature. Most are terrified by the repercussions of their act on their future as dealing with the paranormal comes with a very high price to pay, a price that goes beyond simple currency, a price that may even cost their own lives. For a muslim, dealing with the wrong side of the paranormal world is deemed as blasphemy, “syirik” an act that defies God himself. in other words, to gain something in this borrowed life you sacrifice the one and only ticket to eternity in heaven. Is it really worth it?

The choice is in your hands. Use it wisely.

Bureau for Paranormal Research and Defense (BPRD)

The long-awaited sequel to Hellboy, Hellboy II: The Golden Army was recently released in Malaysia after almost two years since it was first screened in this country. Back then, it was known as Super Sapiens as the word Hell was deemed inappropriate to pass the “U” rating and the sensitive ears of the mainly religious and pious people of FINAS (the word Sundal in Pontianak Sundal Harum Malam, meaning BITCH in Malay, however, managed to pass the cencorship board despite its rather vulgar conotation). For those of you who are still unaware of what the movie is all about, here is a quick recap.

Hellboy is actually a spawn of the devil, who was brought to this world by the Nazis in its bid to win WWII, hence achieving its goal of world dominion. However, through miracle and the great conscience of the USA, he was later raised as an American to battle evil instead of bringing about the end of the world. As cliche as it is, this second movie follows his adventure in serving the government of the USA but instead of fighting off Nazis, he now fights the armies of the underworld lead by a psychotic prince with a name that could easily be mistaken as Arabic and in the end, saves the world as he always does.

The premise of this movie revolves around a special wing of the US secret services known as the Bureau for Paranormal Research and Defense (BPRD), whose members comprises of Hellboy and his paranormal friends which includes a flame throwing lady (Hellboy’s love interest), a psychic blue fish and the latest edition to the crew, a talking, walking tank of goo. The main objective of this department is to solve any problem that the goverment classifies as paranormal.

I was inspired by this idea and as a responsible citizen of this country, I have come up with a brillliant idea to solve the many dilemmas faced by our rulers. The govermnet has tried many different approaches and strategies to win the people’s heart but to no avail. The recent loss to the opposition has forced the ministers to stoop to the lowest possible level, having to resort to making false allegations and sex scandals in their last bid to prevent the eventual end, the rise of the opposition. However, all is still not lost. They have yet tried the paranormal approach, a method proven most reliable when all else fail.

The national version of the BPRD should be established, under the direct supervision of the DPM. Individuals with paranormal skills and abilities and those with vast knowledge in the paranormal world should be recruited from all over the country and put under the goverment payroll. Leave out the good guys, the bad guys especially those with super-malicious intentions and abilities that proves to be malignant and fatal are best suited for the job. The job description of this department will be varied and can be applied wherever and whenever anything paranormal is required. The members will each swear an oath of secrecy which if broken, may result in fatal consequences as the vows they made are paranormal. The many applications of this bureau include the following:

Charm needles or susuk

Susuk is a practice of inserting charm needles with the help of paranormal beings without having to shed a single drop of blood and minus the excruciating pain of conventional needles and blades. This is best described as the paranormal version of plastic surgery with very satisfying results. This method can best serve the aging wives of the ministers that are worried of loosing their husbands to foreign beauty queens waiting to get their hands on unsuspecting ministers and diplomats. Susuk, when inserted in the right places is also said to enhance sexual performance. No one is able to resist having sex with you no matter how ugly you may look. The experience is said to be out of this world. Susuk can also maintain youth and therefore, suitable for ministers who wish to live a very long wealthy, not necessarily healthy life. There is also a form of susuk known as “buluh perindu”, usually worn inside the mouth. Those using this susuk can charm anyone including their worst enemies and should be very useful during election campaigns.

Santau

Killing and blowing up someone can be a very daunting task especially when the one blown up happens to be the daughter of a foreign somebody. The situation gets more complicated when it involves so many witnesses that needs to be shut up. Santau is the act of poisoning someone in a paranormal way using all natural products that you can find in your backyard (if you happen to live in a village anyway) but when combined can lead to a very fatal outcome. The best part about this method is it leaves almost no trace at all and the poison cannot be detected by even the most sophisticted tests and diagnostic tools produced by modern science. Post mortem will only come out blank and the death will be classified as a natural death. The newspaper will write the death as unnatural or mysterious but no one in the world can prove that you actually did it.

To be continued……………………………

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