The X-Files: The Malaysian Files

The new X-Files movie was recently released in this country and I was among the fortunate individuals to claim themselves as the first few persons to catch the movie on its first day of official release. Inspired by this movie (but largely by the original series), I would like to call upon everyone’s attention to a series of very high profile crimes committed in this country but until today remained unsolved despite the police force’s reputation as one of the best in this region. It is in my opinion that by now, we might as well classify these cases as X-files and request the help from the FBI to enlist Mulder and Scully’s help to shed some light to these very mysterious cases.

Case #1: The Beauty Queen

A previously unknown Mongolian beauty queen made her last trip to Malaysia, apparently on a mission to blackmail a relatively unknown political analyst but ended up being blown to pieces in the middle of nowhere. The ashes of the beauty queen was later found in the middle of the jungle under mysterious circumstances. Further investigations revealed that the death of this beauty queen is linked to high-ranking police officers belonging to a special branch of the police force. Investigations is currently marked with unanswered riddles and recently, a key witness is found missing after changing his sworn statements. The mysterious part about his disappearence is that the government is fully aware about his whereabouts and even offering him safe custody despite the possibility of him getting charged with obstructing justice. The case gets more interesting when this woman’s death is linked with a very high ranking minister who is rumoured to have an intimate relationship with her, even to the point of farthering her child. The beauty queen is said to be a gift from the Russian government, after he sealed a billion dollar deal involving the purchase of very expensive equipments for the army, among them a submarine, which never made it to malaysian water.

Mulder would say:

There are a few possibilities that may explain the mysterious circumstances of this case which includes:

• The beauty queen was not blown up but in fact she simply disintegrated due to a mysterious occurrence known as spontaneous combustion. It is possible that she may have had HOT SEX with the police officers accompanying her and at the height of her orgasm, she simply burst in flame and turned into ashes. Since the police officers were too afraid that their sanity might be questioned, they prefer to keep quiet and hope that the loose evidences surrounding this case will prove their innocence. This case will simply be labeled as X-Files.
• The beauty queen is actually the victim of a satanic cult that offers her as a sacrifice by burning her alive after having gang sex with her. The police officers are devout members of this cult that wishes to keep the secrets of this group to the grave.
• The Russian have finally managed to clone the alien they confiscated and merged it with human DNA to produce the ultimate super spy, a hot beauty queen. To make the existence of this being more discrete she was sent to a remote country i.e. Mongolia and left in the care of Russian spies disguised as her parents. Under mysterious circumstances she became acquainted with high ranking ministers and government officials and from there slowly gathered vital information especially regarding the strength of the army. When the special branch of the police force managed to discover this secret, the spy was caught during her visit to this country and blown up to pieces to prevent her from relaying anymore classified information about this country.

Scully would say:

This is another murder case involving a very unfortunate foreigner. It is totally out of FBI’s jurisdiction and is definitely not an X-File unless of course, Miss Condoleezza Rice has anything to say about it. Let’s just go home. We’re wasting our time here.

The police said:

This case is still under investigation. No comment.

Raja Petra said:

Blame everything on Najib. His wife Rosmah ordered the killing. Trust me, I’m willing to go to jail for that.

Case #2: The Poor Little Girls

Two innocent little girls became victims to a possible murder-rape case involving a single or several paedophiles still running loose today. The first child was found dead a few months later and further investigations revealed that she was brutally raped and later murdered and stuffed into a gym bag and left in front of an office building. The second child remains missing until today. The wierd thing about these cases are despite extensive searches done by the police and even after enlisting the help of foreign forensics expert these cases remain unsolved. Many bomohs, pawangs and even psycics have offered their assistance but to no avail.

Mulder would say:

• These kids may have been abducted by aliens. These aliens are now disguised as human beings and in order to blend in, they now operate in crowded areas and use vans instead of space ships during abduction to make it less obvious. The victims are later kept in a secret lab for whatever tests that aliens do to human beings and when they’re done, they are murdered to keep their secrets hidden. Since their technologies are far too advanced, the police have failed to locate their secret hideouts.
• These kids are killed by a mutant or a creature that keeps them in underground lairs. The reason why the police never found them is because they are too lazy to search in the sewers. The are no more such cases now since the creature is hibernating and will emerge again after a few years from now to kill again.
• These kids are victims of a freak group of scientist that uses children for experimental purposes. They are making it look like a murder-rape case to conceal their true intention. They probably have something to do with stem cell research since growing children are rich with stem cells.

Scully would say:

Let’s catch this jerk. I hate paedophiles.

I say:

Everything I say above are just bullshits. The person that did these cruel things to these innocent children will get God’s punishment. His face will be revealed one day. Trust God, justice will be served.

THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE

The X-Files: I Want To Believe

I want to believe that after ten years from the first movie, the creator of the phenomenal X-file series would somehow redeem themselves by giving us a movie worth the cult status that the series have garnered in its heyday. The first movie was kind of a let-down to me when it was first released. To be frank, I was an ardent fan of the series and in the age when dvd was an “alien”, I eagerly waited for the series to air on national TV. Those were the days. The first movie had a very complicated plot and it was played down by its heavy reference to government conspiracies. To tell you the truth, I can’t recall what the movie was about anyway. It was somewhat forgettable.

I want to believe that after ten years, in the age when CGI makes the impossible possible on big screen, the creators of this movie would go the extra mile to produce a movie that glorifies the paranormal like the original series had. This movie is about a group of Russian scientist that discovers the secret of immortality by attaching a severed head to new, healthy bodies through stem-cell therapy. This time around the director chose to not only keep both his feet on the ground but chose not to look up in the skies like he used to. There is nothing “alien” about this movie and the only reference it had to anything paranormal is a psycic who weeps tears of blood and happens to be gay.

I’m still not sure about the director’s intention in making GAY a big theme in this movie. Heck, i even had the impression that he is somewhat HOMOPHOBIC. All the bad guys in this movie are gay. The priest used to be gay, he committed the biggest sin of fucking 37 altar boys. As a result, he spends all his life in an ugly apartment with other ’sexual-offenders’, his roommate looks gay to me. He even chopped of his dick as a sign of repentance for all his mortal sins. As it turns out, most of the boys he fucked grew up to be GAY, one of them became a GAY crook, fell in love with a Russian GAY crook (he is kind of cute except for those ugly teeth), got really sick with lung cancer, almost died before his BF chopped off his head and got a Russian scientist to connect it to other people’s body and in the end died anyway. It also happens that all the victims he chose are women. He was probably planning to get a sex change surgery when he was alive. The priest prayed all his life for forgiveness and in the end died of lung cancer. Are they trying to imply that being GAY will increase your risk of getting lung cancer?

I want to believe that after six years, Mulder (David Duchovny) is still the handsome geek that he was and Mulder and Scully is still the perfect geek couple on TV. Well, Scully is still a pretty red-head but now, more matured but looked too strained and stressed out most of the times. She frowns a lot throughout the movie which makes her age lines more obvious that even make-up could’t conceal it. Mulder on the other hand, did not handle aging as well as Scully. First half of the movie, he wears a thick beard and unkempt hair, second half, he decided to shave but without the beard, his sagging jaw lines showed out, just showing how old he got from all those years out of FBI service. They are not very convincing as a couple, even Mulder admits that their relationship would never have worked out. After six years apart, they have somehow become very distant and their pairing now felt forced, it must have been difficult for both of them to get into characters after all these years. It makes it worse, that in this movie, both of them spent most of their time away form one another. Scully now, retired from FBI, spents most of her time in a hospital, she is now an established pediatrician taking care of a cute but very sick child with an incurable disease. Mulder goes on a wild goose chase with a bunch of FBI agents that takes its leads from a psycic who was previously a paedophile priest. X-files is “Mulder and Scully”, it can never work with Mulder or Scully alone or Mulder with someone else (in this movie, the director tried to pair Mulder with a new female agent which finds Mulder hot) which explains why the last season of the series failed. The whole idea of the X-files is the opposite attraction between a beleiver and a skeptic trying to solve a seemingly impossible case. The skeptic voice of Scully was kept quiet in this movie since she was too busy trying to cure an incurable disease.

I want to believe that this is the last big-screen adaptation of this popular series. Scully clearly states in the movie that she wants nothing to do with the X-files anymore. She wants Mulder to do so as well. Mulder seems pretty lame in this movie, he is ridiculed all the time, he is no longer convinced of the paranormal like he used to. It is as though, Chris Carter (the director and creator of the original series) is trying to tell us that he has finally had enough of the X-files and this is finally the end.

I want to believe this is the end.