Some New, Some Old

Author’s note

My dear readers, do not be alarmed by the sudden change in the blog’s design. I celebrated my 30th birthday and in the spirit of celebrating eidil fitri, i’ve decided to make some changes to my blog. However, please take note that the only thing changing here is the design and only that.

I’ve decided that grey is too melodramatic and angsty in a gothic kind of way, especially with the floral motifs in blackish hues. The previous theme was called “dusk”, a theme I chose to denote that my blog is written by a gay, for gays but still maintains a certain degree of masculinity, I didn’t want it to be too obvious and by choosing colours like pink and purple, people will never take me seriously. However, dusk reminds me too much of where I am now, old and shrivelled and the morbid colours is a clear reminder of how close i am to the end of the line.

That explains why i chose the colour green, a darker green, almost olive with some brown to reflect the “save the world” theme (yeah, right). The truth is, green is my fauvorite colour before i became depressed and nihilistic and decided that black is my actual colour. Green is also the colour of the festive season (the official colour for eidil fitri) just like red is for christmas. The whole theme reflects the fresher, more positive me, something i would like to become in the future. Pray for me guys.

What will never change is this. Despite the very religious connotation of the whole colour scheme, the contents will get even raunchier, sexier, hotter but still retains the me that used to write in this blog. That will never change. This blog was not meant for purely pleasure but a room for me to share my thoughts with all of you with what’s happening in our lives on a daily basis. I will try to keep it in the same format but when the time comes for changes, you will all be warned before hand so to prevent unpredicted shocks to your nervous system.

That’s all for now. Think of this as a face lift or in a milder version, a jab of Botox to an aging face full of wrinkles. The person underneath all that is still the same.

Love, always.

The Right Guy For You

Introduction

I have been toying with this idea for quiet some time but somehow, found it difficult to put it in writing. The initial idea for these articles were meant as a memoir or an autobiography, chronicling my previous failed relationships. However, i had reservations and decided that my personal life should remain personal and I would try my best not to go into the usual male bashing routine most of us go through after each breakups. What usually happens is after a few months of playing “diva divorce”, chanting the “ I don’t need a man/ Independent women/I will survive” mantra, we find ourselves crawling back into the snugly, burly arms of another man and convince ourselves that this new guy is different from all the other guys but deep inside we know he’s just another guy and that’s what we go for in our lives, a GUY. That’s what being gay is all about.

Instead, what i’ll try to do is, compile all my previous experiences with multiple failed relationships (the longest relationship I’ve ever had is with my current BF, two years and hopefully will last even longer) plus a few other relationships I’ve gathered mostly from my close friends and use all these encounters to produce a comprehensive and hopefully fair and unbiased analysis of the types of man available for all of you out there, whether you’re a pro or an amateur (the fact is you can never be a pro when it comes to relationships, love makes you stupid, you don’t learn anything from your experience) to choose from. I would like to think of this as a classy and  very gay parody of ” Definitely, Maybe” meets “Sex and the City: The Movie” starring me and my friends.

I think deep inside, what i’m trying to do is to try and make sense of why my previous relationships never worked out. Hopefully, through this process, looking at things in retrospect, I can finally understand why I keep repeating the same mistakes over and over and all the men in my previous relationships are obviously flawed. No wonder my good friend Miss Jimmy called me a LOSER. Well, I confess, I’m the biggest LOSER in the world and that qualifies me as the best teacher to give all of you a good lesson in choosing a great guy to start a relationship with as to not end up being an even bigger LOSER than me (because if that happens I would loose my title and I’m back being a simple nobody).

So, all these rantings have left me wondering, is there really a Mr. Right, The Perfect Guy or does a perfect relationship really do exist for us gays? God made Eve for Adam, thus man were genetically pre-destined to get attracted and fall in love with a woman. So, if that’s the case, how did homosexuality came about? From what I know, the earliest record of a gay community dates centuries back, remember the story of the prophet Luth and the city of Sodom and Gomorrah, which eventually got destroyed for their sins. Well, putting history aside, what really drives us to be gay in the first place? Oops……….got side-tracked there. Let’s leave that for another day.

The real question here is, ” Is there such a thing as the right guy for you?”. How do you define Mr. Right or Mr. Perfect or what does a perfect relationship means to you. Are we destined to live our whole life looking for the right guy only to find out in the end that that guy doesn’t really exist. If that’s the case should we approach a relationship on a trial and error basis, accepting every single guy in our lives, then decide later whether they’re the right guy for us and once we’re done, discard them and move on with another relationship. Or should we stick with our strict definition of a perfect guy, praying and hoping everyday, waiting for destiny to send that guy to us and push away any other guy that knocks on our door in the process of waiting. Is there such a thing as happily ever after?

Do we find ourselves falling for the same type of guy over and over even after various failed relationships? When I was younger, me and my friends used to set our own strict rules of the type of guy we want to fall in love with. Well, some of my friends still do, some of us stopped doing that but most of us still do it without us realizing it. The usual list usually consist of the following items (not in order of preference):

• Age range: the young ones prefer the mature but not too old, we came up with our own term for that, ” keabangan”, some prefer “daddies”, the young studs (better known as anak ikan) are all the raves now especially for old guys like me (i’m 30 by the way, celebrated my birthday yesterday).
• Body build: some like it lean, some like meaty with lots of muscle to chew on, some like some fat to cling on too, some like it hairy to tickle them when they’re horny.
• Income: this is very controversial as at a certain point, it involves morality issues, are you looking for love or money? this is exactly why most of us would iclude occupation as part of introduction and most of us lie.
• Location: some like it near, some like it far (for obvious reasons), we used to have a certain states of preference keeping in view that men from certain states in this country tend to be jerks and losers, so we prefer to keep a considerable distance from these guys.
• Etnicity: call me a racist but i’m sure all of us has their own preferred ethnicity, for example, Miss Odezz (a malay) likes chinese, they are clean and most have great bods since most of them are gym freaks just like him, some gets enchanted by the glitters of Bollywood, some goes only for caucasians (Mat saleh and Mat Saleh celup), everyone has their own pick.
• Sexual orientation aka roles in bed: this is by far the most complicated topic to discuss. I prefer to leave that long story for another day.

For the sake of discussion, I have taken the liberty, of coming up with my own practical classification of all the men I’ve encountered for the past 30 years of my life (you have no idea how old i feel right now, putting this in words). Some of you may disagree with a lot of things I may say in these articles but I will leave that to your own discretion. If you have any qualms at all, please feel free to leave a comment.

The journey begins here. Please stay and enjoy the ride.