I am proud to announce that I am currently on a one week leave starting from last Monday and if everything goes as smoothly as i plan, should last till the end of the week. I pray to God everyday that I wouldn’t be called in for an emergency shortage of staffs or some stupid mediocre reason which requires a premature termination of this vacation i am currently enjoying. I call this week the de-STRESSing week, a step necessary to facilitate my upcoming mundane and super-stressful months ahead due to a huge absence of most of the members of the department for various reasons. Therefore, i will try my very best to make this week as stress free as possible.
I just came back from a four day trip to KL, with my BFF, miss merazz. It was mostly an unplanned trip which i see as necessary as part of the de-stressing program. An acquaintance of mine pointed out recently, staying too long on a small island like Penang, seeing same things, meeting same people every day can drive you crazy, hence, he suggested a monthly visit to KL for the sake of maintaining good mental health. I took his advice, returning to Penang just yesterday, feeling partly elated, partly frustrated, partly angered, least of all rejuvenated but most of all, SURPRISED. Let me explain all the various parts i’ve mentioned above.
I managed to get a hold of a CD i’ve been looking for all over penang during this trip to KL. My friend visited some of his favorite cd stores and managed to find an imported double-disc copy of The Best of Oasis. I also found a complete set of manga I’ve been aiming for after reading a review and more so after finishing all 24 episodes of the anime based on the same manga. That explains the elation i felt. I was frustrated at the fact that i couldn’t enjoy any of the food i ate in KL, especially the over-rated Carl’s Jr. and all of my favorite stalls in KLCC which i used to frequent during my student days are now long gone. La Queen, the must-visit gay club for any gay guy visiting KL is now stripped off its usual glitz and glam and what used to be the ultimate hangout for gays of all ages and background is now left with “underage” gays strutting to ridiculous and totally absurd choices of music to dance to. There goes one of the best hangout places on Friday night in the big capital of gayhood in this country.
I was very angry at the fact that after months of web dating on yahoo messenger, the first meeting with an otherwise not strikingly good-looking man i’ve met over the internet did not turn out the way it should be. It was an accidental meet at La Queen. Surprisingly, he was able to recognize me in the dim light as i swept by him on the way upstairs. We had our moments on the staircase, with everyone looking on as they passed by us. It somehow ended there with him giving me a thousand and one reason why we couldn’t spend the time together for the rest of the weekend. I got even angrier due to the fact that after finally giving my ex a chance to rekindle our long lost love or whatever we may have had in the past, he turned down my invitation to meet using his family as an excuse to be overly busy over the weekend.
I always come back from KL feeling overly exhausted. It is probably attributed to a few factors including my inability to sleep anywhere else other my home sweet home. I got a bad case of dehydration due to the fact that KL is over-heated most of the time and the one and only almost fully air-conditioned state in this country manages to cool you down but dries you up like a prune without you knowing it. The air saturated with noxious fumes reduces your oxygen concentration leaving you lethargic most of the time. Whoa, let me just stop there, i can see my KL friends leaving angry comments on this blog in the very near future. Sorry guys, I do love KL but it’s just not the healthiest place on planet earth, not to say that penang fairs anywhere better. Please accept my sincerest apology.
I am mostly SUPRISED for a good reason. KL happens to be the capital of gayhood and most gay guys from other parts of the country make their way here for one main reason, HAVING GREAT SEX. However, during this particular visit, I found myself having the smallest fraction of interest in getting laid, something which i find quiet odd given the circumstances. This has left me with a huge question mark, what in the world is happening to me? Have I really lost it? After much pondering and almost cracking my head open, i came up with a few theories on why i found myself losing my sexual drive on this particular KL trip.
Theory#1: I just turned 30 and since I have matured relatively early as a gay, it is possible that at this age i am suffering from premature decline in sexual drive or libido as a result of an acute decline in hormones circulating through my veins. This condition is otherwise known as andropause and is common among males at the age of 60 and above. However, due to a mutated gene in my body which also turned me into a gay once i reached maturity, this process occurs much earlier compared to normal heterosexual males.
Theory#2: My other BFF, miss odezz, pointed out that perhaps at this age and time i have come to a point where my idea of sexual fulfillment is by achieving emotional intimacy or in words more easily grasped by my fickle mind, LOVE. Having mindless and loveless SEX no longer appeals to my weary soul and repeating the same routine of Touch & Gos and ONSs just leaves me feeling void and most of all, miserable. I realized what i was trying to achieve through SEX can never equates the rush and heat you feel when you’re in LOVE.
Theory#3: During the recent raya celebration, me and a bunch of gals had a blast having non-stop sex at a recently closed sauna in penang. This was followed by a slew of quickies with some other sex buddies i managed to contact and all these happened on the same day. The following months leading to this KL trip also saw me having countless sex with some blind dates and massage boys which in turn causes a state of saturation i.e. my body refuses to engage in any more sex until i go through the process of de-SEX which translates into a few months period of abstinence from SEX.
Theory#4: I had the worst case of emotional instability during this trip to KL. Let me explain why. The afternoon before boarding the bus to KL, i started an all out de-CRUSHING process involving a very handsome colleague i had a crush on. Upon arriving to KL, I had to face two simultaneous rejections from two otherwise not really good looking guys which brought my self-confidence to almost ground zero. I missed my BF terribly wishing above all that I could spend the weekend with him in this beautiful city (read that with a lot of sobs and snorts) and it happened that he was spending the weekends with his close buddies and the thought of me missing him like crazy never crossed his mind. It always happens that during my episodes of depression, i loose whatever sexual drive i may have and in its place, a miserable, brooding old maid.
I offer my sincerest appologies to my BFFs, miss merazz, miss odezz and miss azie for having to keep up with my emotional tantrums and having the deepest sympathies on my weary soul. All of you are real LIFE SAVERS, thanks for being a friend at my most desperate hours. Thank you all.
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